Those Noisy Neighbors

We’ve all had them, and at some point or another, usually around 3 a.m. on a Tuesday, most of us have considered going office space all over their stereo. As cathartic as this may sound, it’s a good way to find yourself on the receiving end of legal action, and the old but they just wouldn’t shut the f**k up! defence doesn’t really hold up in court anymore. Here are some ways you can try to get a little peace of mind without all of the messy altercations.

A good landlord will know the general demographic of the neighborhood that their property is in, and should try to rent to people that fit the bill. A family with a newborn is probably going to have issues with noise if they move into a cheap apartment near a college campus. Likewise, a house full of frat bros is probably going to cause problems in the quiet residential area near the elementary school. Tenants should also be aware of where they lie on the spectrum of expecting mother–party animal, and try to get a house or apartment around people with similar music taste and sleep schedules.

When moving into a new house or apartment, try to befriend the neighbors. This technique works best if you do it before you have problems, and it’s generally a good idea regardless of whether or not you anticipate having any. Who knows? You might even develop a lasting friendship. Go over and introduce yourself. Maybe bring some beers and/or some cookies. This way you establish yourself as that cool dude who brought beers and/or cookies instead of that dick from next door. If you’re the cool dude asking them to turn it down, they’ll probably listen. If you’re the dick from next door, chances are they’ll turn up the music just to spite you.

Here’s a plot twist: What if you are the noisy neighbor? To determine whether or not you are, ask yourself a few questions: Do you usually shout at your dog to get it to stop barking? Do you choose your music based on what ‘bumps the hardest’? Do you usually get your days off in the middle of the week? Did your stereo system cost you more than a month’s rent? Do you never have problems with neighbors being louder than you? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may in fact be the noisy neighbor yourself, but don’t worry there’s hope.

Try this as an experiment: get a friend and have them slowly turn up the stereo while you stand on the edge of your yard if you have a house, or out in the hall if you have an apartment. Have your friend stop when you can hear the music. Mark that point on your volume knob and know if you go above that after, say, 10 p.m. you might get complaints. You could also expand your music tastes. We all love DMX, but is the Ruff Ryder’s Anthem really the best lullaby? Try some jazz, maybe Thelonious Monk or Django Reinhardt. You’ll wake up more relaxed, though you’ll probably have less dreams about doing wheelies on crotch-rockets. Also, if your neighbors ask you to turn it down, be courteous and do it. It would have been less work for them to just call the cops, and Johnny Law really doesn’t appreciate the N.W.A. you’re blasting.

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